Friday, October 28, 2011

Here's me leaving Occupy Bay Street and texting my friends about a crazy man there who claimed the derivatives market was worth $1.2 quadrillion.

If there's a cosmic reason for this, please let me in on it

It's been several months since I was let go and still no luck finding a job. I'm at a weird place right now, having never been unemployed for any substantial length of time, and it's really forcing me to face certain inevitabilities. Mainly, what I want to do with my life. (Yes, still.)

I did gain some insight into the origins of my professional roadblock. I used to believe that I had yet to find the right industry for me. The truth is, I simply hate working ... for other people, that is. Out of everything that I've done -- retail associate, piano teacher, fashion journalist, TV news producer, assistant director, corporate E.A., etc. -- I've been the most happy when I was given freedom and autonomy. The further I was from the naked emperor, the better. Since this realization, I suggested to Paul that we start our own wedding/event photography business. I reckon the overhead is low and he already has his own equipment, so lately, we've been taking photos of our engaged friends to bulk up our portfolio.

When he and I worked on his short film awhile ago, we wrote the script and executed the production flawlessly. It was a seamless connection. He was in charge of creative and I oversaw the logistics. That was when I knew we'd have a future ahead of us. He is my best friend and I am his, so it would be a shame if we didn't conspire and contribute something to the world.

My second realization is that rather than depend on one source of income, it would be wise (especially in this economy) to diversify my interests. My sister has been working on the online portion of our family business and my mom wants me and Paul to take over. She says it's not a full-time commitment, but it'll make us enough money to keep us afloat when we're between more stable options. Furthermore, there's always the option of teaching piano again. There are a lot of children in my condo and it would be really convenient for them to take lessons nearby.

However, the biggest eye-opener of all has been Paul. He's really stepped up these last few months. Six months ago, he was still living at home with his parents and going to school full-time. Nowadays, he does the bulk of chores, freelances on movies, has plans to join the union, and gives me every penny he earns to manage. He also shoulders the burden of my depression. Every time I begin to feel uneasy and unable to cope, he talks me out of it and stays with me until I regain control. I told him how I ashamed I was for not pulling my weight and he responded by pointing out that I'd supported him throughout our relationship and that he's happy to return the favour. "And when I have money one day," he adds, "you can buy whatever expensive dress you want!" I can honestly say he is the major reason I am not sinking right now. He provides me with perspective and companionship and visions of the future I don't want to give up on. Now that's husband-material!