Sunday, February 05, 2006

Coat hanger

Why do these recent embassy torchings (over some drole Danish cartoons, natch) smell as fishy as the Kermit Roosevelt led protests that brought down Prime Minister Mosaddeq in the '50s? It seems too reactionary even for religious zealots. I don't think any right-minded person would move heaven and earth just to see Danish products boycotted from their cities' shelves for a few days or weeks (freedom fries fiasco, anyone?) unless there are political agendas at hand. I doubt these riots are as spontaneous as they appear. Again, not to come off as a conspiracist, but it seems as though the CIA is seeing their own medicine at work.

***

"Who's judging?" asked Readerdroid. "Who gets to say what constitutes winning and losing? Why does it always have to be one or the other?"

She's right. I knew she was right. The reason I can't drop things is because I need to save face. She understood it was a frame of mind though. That I couldn't stop thinking like that quite so easily. It's difficult to break self-defeating habits when what feels most natural causes one harm. I see relationships only as power games where after every travail, someone must come out the victor or risk being the turkey. Like all normal people, I escape the ashes with lessons learned and share responsibility for misdoings. But I go one step farther by hermetically sealing myself from further social contact, flip-flopping from one extreme to another.

"There's no moderation in your life," Readerdroid observed. "There's no balance."

She's right again. There isn't a sense of stability when it comes to my personality. I'm easily frightened and just as easily frightening. They're not temperamental mood swings so much as entire identity shifts. And though I am introspective, it's never enough to prevent me from erring knowingly.

But what else is there to do besides rummaging for symptoms? It's the only way to find viable solutions.

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