Wednesday, December 07, 2005

Waiter, there's kismet in my soup. What else is new?

I worked on my 3000 word take-home exam intermittently between 7 o'clock last evening and 3 o'clock this afternoon. The paper was due at 4 o'clock. I accidentally fell asleep for a good 5 hours, waking up more stressed than the night before. My printer didn't work. I went to the library. All the seats were taken ... except one. The man got up to leave just as I was passing behind him. Out I went with 8-pages of meticulously written jibba jabba clutched in my hand. The bus driver waved at me from across the street. It was Bill. He's cool. We're buddies. He's Greek. I asked him how his fake Japanese girlfriend and 18 kids were. He said they were good. I stared at him incredulously: "Did you just say I looked damaged?" "No, no! You look beautiful, always!" I sighed, "That's okay, I know what I look like. You can say damaged. It's the essay's fault." I didn't even bother to put on a bra and brush my hair. "What time you have to be there?" he asked. 3:55. He looked at his watch. "No problem! I can do! You want me to go 200 miles per hour? I go! For you, I go!"

And off he went, like a speeding bullet. Like a speeding bullet had it taken one too many bites out of a brontasaurus breast. I saw the campus a block away. He wasn't kidding. 3:55. I ran to the journalism office. The bitchy secretary took my paper. 3:58.

I made it. With two minutes to spare.


I gave in and signed on to This means I pay a flat-fee each month to take out UMLIMITED MOVIES. From Asiatic to Zulu, they've got everything! Yes, this will confirm what everyone's suspected for years: I'm a genetic hop, skip, and a beak from a house-trained mutt.

Now shut up and hand over L'avventura. I'll be in for awhile.

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