Tuesday, July 19, 2005

Memoirs of an Opium Queen: Chapter One

Well, now this is just disappointing. Here I was, all ready to break the first news of Lily's whereabouts and concoct quite preposterous lies about said whereabouts. Sadly, she has beaten me to it and, behind my back, already posted from her current destination.

Ah yes, the wonderful mysteries of the Orient. The land of Great Walls and... some other stuff, probably. I'm an Engineer, I don't take "culture" classes. But I digress. Since I have simply been degraded to copying and pasting, what follows is the first chapter in what shall be called:

"Memoirs of an Opium Queen" the Lily Story

Chapter One: God-damn You Half Japanese Girls or The Celebrity Fillet Mignon

What are the odds that the first annoying incident I encountered during this trip involved Weezer? Weezer! It's like running away from a dysfunctional family only to be recruited by the Manson gang. I didn't have much trouble falling asleep considering the in-flight movie was some Chinese love story featuring the daughter of a Hong Kong casino czar. "You know," my mom whispered behind a cupped hand, "when she got married, he gave her 30 million RMB."

My mom isn't normally a gossip fiend, but she becomes Star Jones at a celebrity stakeout (steakout?) when she's excited about something. Like when we were waiting in line to check-in our luggage, she actually "psst" my way to give me the latest dirt.

"That lady directly ahead of you," she gestured extravagantly. "Your Uncle?"

"The married one?"

"We've all seen them together."

"But they're probably just friends."

"Oh yes, of course. Just friends," she said, squinting cartoonishly.

[End of Chapter One]

I hope you all enjoyed that. Stay tuned for chapter two.

(Best part about Lily's travels? I have been given the strict orders to feel up Shotgun Toter in her absence)

- Steve, guest blogger

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