Friday, June 03, 2005

The Last Purge

Reading about the passive-aggressive male. (Click here and here.) M. Biologique is the prototypical example: he possesses every single trait.

Why would he go through the hassle of trusting people when there are so many women who want to "heal" him? offered Japostralia Matt when I asked him why some men choose to act through life this way.

I know his parents' divorce affected him more than he's willing to admit and his childhood weight problem was detrimental to his self-esteem. He just had a funny way of showing it: by keeping mum or being over-compensatory. I don't know, dear readers. This one screams "challenge." I feel a burning desire to provoke his deeply repressed rage. His resentful submissiveness, his bitching, his inability to say no. His chronic indecisiveness, his wounded puppy schtick, at once a criminal and accomplice out to refute all fault. His low tolerance for stress, his superficial charm, his talent for manipulation. His hate for authority, contempt for expectations, judgmental quips thrown faster than a whip. Fear of rejection, fear of abandonment, fear of being alone. I would despise him if he weren't so pitiful. How could someone barely 20 have the capacity for this much anger already? My repulsion is overwhelming, but curiosity captivates me more. I told him I liked him just the way he was and he, stunned, reacted remarkably touched. (Whether or not he meant it when he said it to me is up for debate.) It's not like I want to be anybody to him -- not a lover, mother, partner, cohort. Even knowing that he's a case study doesn't stop me from developing a strange fondness for his infantile behaviour, equally subversive and self-sabotaging. I have no urge to change him; I just want to be there when he loosens control. Sympathy is a strange thing for there is no greater train wreck than an anticipatory one; no better woman, but doomed.

Which reminds me. I shared a flirtatious phone conversation with the Guy yesterday. He could be a fresh start for me if it weren't for his unresolved ex issues. Wishy washy individuals are bound to be trouble and excess baggage is sexy only in theory.

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