Wednesday, March 30, 2005

"Which one of us is James?"

VanRed and I fooled around with the minidisk recorder and did some bad improv done in the hallway while waiting for Rubbermaid. She couldn't keep a straight face but we got better at it as we progressed from one oddity to the next. The good improv was done an hour prior to Rubbermaid's exile from another teacher's office. VanRed and I took turns sitting behind a desk with fake roses on it, creating scenerios and incorporating strangers as we went. During one scene, I was arrested for murdering my mom because I was too embarrassed to confess to the killer fart I made. I re-acted the story for Rubbermaid (as VanRed stood by)and she freaked out when I conjured up real tears ("Stop it! You're making me cry!").

Sample bad improv dialogue (I mean, really bad improv - we kept going even when we ran out of material):

"I'm going to have to break it to you: I'm not a real doctor. One day, sitting around, I just said, 'Fuck it, why do I have to go to school to open up my own clinic?'"

"That's so inspiring. I'm going to be honest with you, too. One day, I said, 'Fuck it, why am I waiting for my penis to fall off when I can just put on a dress?'"

"So those quadruplets ...?"

"I used them to score drugs."


"Yo, Tommy. What's up?"

"Hey James, have a seat."

"Is that your purse?!"

"That's right it's mine. I got it all blinged out."


"What are you in for?"

"I did some serious shit. You?"

"Leon traded me for three caps and a cigarette butt."

"Aight, aight. So where you from?"

"Compton ... Ontario, real rough. What do people do around here?"

"Me? I make mean muffins and cakes."

"Really? The kind with carrots?"

"I can make 'em with carrots. They come out real nice and moist 'cause I use blood."


"Sign here, here and here."

"Okay, but let me read it first. So, how far do I have to stay away from him?"

"Look, we've gone through this. I've given you 8 years to read it."

"Oh, alright. So when am I coming back to the country?"

"You're never coming back to the country."

"I knew I shouldn't have married for oil."

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