Tuesday, February 01, 2005

You said it, Details

12 Reasons To Be Cheerful
Number 10: An entire year with no new U2 album

"U2 and iPod, the perfect combination: two corporate cash machines masquerading as emblems of antiestablishment cool."

(*click here for list*)

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Plastic Frames keeps nagging my friend to hand me over to him because he is obsessed with "devirginizing" me. Yeah, he wants to help me complete my transition into womanhood. This 23-year-old, freak-o'-nature fucker has been going around yapping his trust fund jaw and telling people if I don't pop my cherry soon (with him, no less), I'll end up as the campus whore, giving men blowjobs for attention. (Though I highly doubt I have the capacity. Pun intended.) Somehow, this Moroccan midget thinks he's the authority on sexuality. Lightbulb: Has he never heard of relative proportion or is he just not in proportion to compare? I haven't spoken to him since he got drunk and tried to force himself on me. (Good thing he was short on intimidation. Pun intended.) And telling him I did the deed would only jeopardize my reputation and force me to sink to his level. (Enough with the puns already! He's too easy a target.)

This aficionado of children-sized clothing doesn't deserve the satisfaction of public acknowledgement. But what he does deserve is the title role in the Bruckheimer-produced, one-man Broadway vehicle: "Jesus II: Back to the Manger." He'd be great playing a bastard son.

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