Thursday, February 10, 2005

On Being Good Friends With Lily

First, a disclaimer: Sorry for the histrionic display in today's entry.

Math Judas and I had one of our daily evening discussions and I, for the first time, deconstructed exactly what the "high standards" I have really alluded to.

I think I weed out potential people of interest through an "interviewing" process that lasts anywhere from 30 seconds to 15 minutes. If my attention isn't piqued by then, it's sayonara to you and you andyouandyouandyou. I've noticed these are a few ways to capture and keep my attention in a social arena:

1) A rapid response is good. A rapid original response is better. If creativity is concocted under pressure and time restraints, you better believe I'd stay for another drink. "What if someone just takes their time answering?" asked Math Judas. "Then that answer better be worth all the thought put into it." It's easier to see through characters (exactly what the word implies) when people are too worried about making an impression. It's Decide or Die, man. Decide or Die!

2) Comedic contribution is essential. One need not be funny to appreciate humour and being a sourpuss will inspire no sympathy from me. I respect anyone who goes further than merely verbalizing their discontent for having been offended. A position defended is a position challenged. And the best conversations are worthy of dissertations. When offence is taken but silence is selected, then I can only skip away assuming consideration is pending for the newest member of the bitch brigade.

3) Teach me something. You know something? Well, I want to learn. The more details, the better. But be prepared to answer "why?" a whole lot or you'll be confronted by an outstretched hand ready to shake au revoir faster than it takes to yawn.

I'm also prone to approaching patience. I've been known to wordlessly walk away when someone consistently interrupts me without good reason and throwing their temper around in a haze of non-sequiturs and demeaning slurs. I don't have time for people who haven't figured themselves out.

Math Judas: "Hmm, this is interesting. Essentially someone needs to establish a repetoire of material to keep you occupied for 15 minutes. After that, then what?"

A loyal friend. And if we decidedly have a natural rapport, there is no need for primed material. Besides, do I really want to get to know someone who makes me work to cut through bullshit more interesting than the person covered in it? My mind is always in serious need of preoccupation. I would never voluntarily check my brain at the door just to show up a few boozy dolts who wear shades indoors and baby powder to fend off premature wetting. Whenever my friends convince me to join them at freshman watering holes, I always end up zoning out some kid with a penis fixation who thinks he's being edgy just because he's old enough to say "clit" without blushing. Bored to tears, I always end up wanting to hop on a bus and stare at a passing tree for relief.

me: "That's my filter. If there's no romantic potential, I'll at least know that it would've fizzled before it sizzled."

Math Judas: "Hahaha, I imagine it's quite a challenge to punch through that ice."

That's why I'm single and don't see anything wrong with eating a Mars bar for breakfast.

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