We went to Les Ailes where she wanted me to smell Light Blue by Dolce & Gabbana. Readerdroid had her heart set on purchasing it. Very nice and refreshing perfume pumped with complex notes. I love it, but it's not for this time of year. I bought a purse at DKNY. 30% off. I couldn't resist. I found it just lying there, eager for an owner, waiting for someone to take it home. Someone like me. We were standing at the check-out counter when I suggested that she try DKNY's Be Delicious instead. It has a younger scent rooted in Granny Smith apples. She apparently agreed with me because she left the store, uh, not empty-handed. (Yes, I realize that was a slew of sentences caked in pretentious name-droppage. Bite me, hippie.)
I've decided to do my radio public service announcement on vampires. It's going to begin with traffic noises taken from an urban ghetto with a thumping bass line that sets off the squeaky hydraulics from a Lincoln town car. Then an old lady starts bragging in Ebonics that if she can outrun the cops between visiting her "baby's mama" and hiding "da special stash," she "fo' shizzle" can take on them blood-suckers. Then she screams and collapses. Her heart is ripped from her chest (yes, I have the sound effect for this) and then subsequently sucked dry (I have that, too). I do a voice-over along the lines of: "There is no disguising from vampires. Over three million Canadians die everyday from vampire attacks. Protect yourself: Buy firearms. Call 1-800-PRO-GUNS or visit our website at: www.welovecharltonheston.org." Cue hiccup followed by a single, fired shot.
My original idea was on the dangers of tacos, but I somehow offended the teacher by unintentionally coming off ageist. Oh well, choking is overrated anyway.