Tuesday, May 18, 2004

The trannie population has run amok. Okay, I digress. What I mean to say is, when you're clinically obese, people can't tell what your gender is.

Like today (yes, another one of my bus stories), this man hobbles over to a corner seat, slumped there like a hamhock hung on a hanger left to cure... Anyway. The point is, I think there is an undiscovered niche in the market for men who need underwire brassieres. Okay, "bras." The amount of boobage I saw on this man was terrifying, horrifying, can't-seem-to-look-away petrifying. He was decked out in a t-shirt that, for better or worse (or just plain worse), hugged his curves like a stream of gravy on a hill of mashed potatoes. It was also 23C today; hot enough to cook anchovies under his armpits.

***

So I'm looking into on-campus residence at Concordia U. My application form:

WHAT DO YOU LOOK FOR IN A POTENTIAL ROOMMATE?
Flexible, responsible, dependable, fairly tidy, great sense of humour, respectful, assertive, spontaneous, open-minded, creative, mature, no drama queen behaviour.

WHAT TYPE OF MUSIC DO YOU LISTEN TO?
Jazz, classical, grunge, BritRock, alternative, indie, industrial, R&B, hip-hop, rock, salsa, house, pop, etc. Anything but country and Eurotrash (ie. nothing that mentions Ibiza.)

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?
Reading, writing, painting, playing piano, exploring nooks and crannies, travelling, having discussions, sleeping.

DO YOU PLAY SPORTS? IF SO, WHAT?
Shopping?

LIST 3 ADJECTIVES TO DESCRIBE YOURSELF
Slim, Chinese, a struttin' contradiction.

DO YOU HAVE ANYTHING ELSE YOU'D LIKE TO SHARE?
My biggest pet peeves are grammatical errors, hippies and drugs. I respect religion, but would rather stay away from someone who is fanatical about theirs.

***

Best friend Bets said my expectations for anyone is way too high: "You won't find a man that way."

*Insert awkward chuckle* Oh really? I guess I don't want to be frying boloney on the cinder blocks my house sits on, n'kay? (I love Sean Hayes. Preenin', dancin', crazy straight fag)

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