Sunday, March 14, 2004

Sexy Spinster and I went on a joyride for ... 6 hours? I will list our activities in chronological order:

-Decided to go to Second Cup in Meadowlands to steal an oversized mug
-Chickened out
-Entered Westdale
-Exited Westdale, two stop lights later
-Went to Dairy Queen and had us some cheeseburger combos
-Got in the car and listened to the Strokes
-Sang wildly off-key to the Strokes
-Drove up and around the escarpment to pass the time
-Picked up her brother and his two friends, Mike and Mike
-All were drunk and smelly
-Loudly expressed their ... displeasure ... towards my dislike of The Passion
-Realized there was no way out since the entire car was filled with Catholics
-Arguing with drunk people is funny...
... especially when they relate everything back to The Matrix
-Drunk people called me a robot for not feeling sympathy for the fillet of salmon messiah
-Dropped off drunk people and wished them well
-Realized we were supposed to turn on the Classical station during the ride
-Slapped Sexy Spinster for not hearing my cries for help from their smelly/verbal grips
-Turned up Usher: "Nigga, nigga, nigga for real?"
-Next stop: Tim Hortons*
-Next stop: Hick Hortons
-Next stop: Smokey McHortons
-Decided to visit Math Judas and the German before they left for Vermont
-Sexy Spinster asked me where the prior lived
-I said, "Garth and Kenilworth."
-She said, "Kenilworth? But that's downtown."
-I said, "Alls I know is, I remember he lived on Kenilworth."
-It wasn't on Kenilworth
-It was UPPER Kenilworth
-We drove around Scenic Drive (other side of town) for a pitiful hour, not knowing his address
-Looked for a phonebooth with a phonebook attached to it
-Found one, after I fearfully screamed that we were driving on the sidewalk ... straight into a sign
-Tore out 8 pages of maps
-Tore out the "L" section
-Went through every surname belonging to Math Judas
-Drove away and looked for a gas station
-Pumped gas at Gage
-Felt like women
-Finally found his house
-Honked the car horn outside his window for a few minutes ... at 12:00a.m.
-Decided to write them a note instead
-Folded torn maps and wrote message on them
-He didn't have a mailbox
-Fucker
-Saw a rock in the middle of the road
-Thought it was fossilized poop
-It wasn't
-Though it could have been
-Used it as a paperweight and placed it on his porch
-Drove away
-Listened to Travis's "The Man Who" album
-Then The Hives and The White Stripes
-Arrived home safely
-Entire family not home
-Called my mom to tell her I was back
-Asked her where she was
-"We're at the hospital. Your dad, he ..."
-She sounded shaken and tired
-Now waiting for them all to come back
-Still waiting ...
-... worried
-hungry

*Banana Republic to Starbucks; Old Navy to Tim Hortons

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