Sunday, March 21, 2004

Both my parents are children, incapable of growing up.

"Lalalala, this conversation is over! I don't want to talk to you," bellowed my mom as she waved her hand in front of my face.

"Listen! Mom, listen! Just listen! I need to tell you what the police offic ..." I said, frustratingly.

"I already know more than you. You don't need to tell me. I know everything," she yelled back.

"But you need to know how the judicial system works! You can't just start pointing at cops, screaming you'll hire someone to get them!" I explained.

"I'll get my revenge! I don't care if I have to sell this house to do it!"

"I'm trying to protect you from saying the wrong things in front of the wrong people when you're obviously in the wrong state of mind!"

It got me nowhere. My mom's just a big pain in the rump.

I told her to swallow her pride and take it like a grown-up. It didn't even happen to her. But she refused. She's one part near-menopausal-woman and two parts crazy ... all the way up my wazoo.

And she's King Lear and Lady MacBeth all wrapped up in one:

"Think'st thou duty shall have dread to speak/ When power to flattery bows?" asks Kent (hehe, Shakespearean dramatizations really are useful for something ...)

How is Lady MacBeth involved? If anyone can get my dad worked up over nothing, it's her: "You're not just going to take that, are you?! Beat his ass! Oh, I'll block his car. I'll block his car alright ..." She is so childish and had the nerve to call me a 50 year old!

She's so obscenely melodramatic sometimes; spewing out bullshit like someone with Tourette's and that Pete Sampras disorder, where you can't control the volume of your voice? What's that called again? Will Farrell did a little ditty on it back when he was on SNL? Voice emodulation disorder? Huh? Yeah, she has that.

Damn, do all marrieds lose half their brains once they lose the opportunity to use it?

*Note to self: Don't get old. I'll give Joan Rivers a run for her money.

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