Wednesday, February 25, 2004

My mom has a compulsive desire to check vacation rates of exotic locales on a daily basis. That's all fine and dandy ... until you realise everytime she does this, she closes all the windows you kept open on your taskbar. Goodbye research. Goodbye key facts and events. Goodbye future. Hello matronly denial. "I didn't touch anything."

I had a conversation about relationships with my Grandma and Dad an hour ago. It went a little something like this:

LILY: Not getting married.

GRANDMA: Why not?

LILY: I'd have to buy two of everything.

DAD: You can always just buy your own stuff.

LILY: Then why not be single?

GRANDMA: Exactly. A family shares everything.

LILY: Don't you and mom have separate bank accounts, Dad?

DAD: No. Your mom has her own. I don't. I use cash.

LILY: But what about your VISA?

DAD: About that. It's a pretty sweet deal. I buy stuff with my card and your mom pays my bills.

LILY: That's ... that's not right. I've always thought you had separate accounts and one you both shared. You two are just headed for divorce in another two years.

GRANDMA: That's true. But until you get married ...

LILY: Hold up there. Not married. Achieve common law status? Maybe.

GRANDMA: But it's going to be a man, right?!

LILY: [*looks at Dad*] I don't know, Grandma. A woman can never be ruled out of the equation. Here I come, San Francisco!

DAD: Why San Francisco? Toronto is 80km away. You'll save on gas; it being so expensive these days.

GRANDMA: What would you do with a woman?

LILY: She can mop my floors and do my laundry.

GRANDMA: But why?

LILY: I don't want to be chained to my woman like Dad is now.

GRANDMA: I saw an old gay couple on TV today. They were so cute!

[*insert awkward silence*]

MOM: Lily! Soup!

That was, indeed, a slice of my mundane life.

Am officially allowed to propose ideas and write articles for the Spectator now. I'm going to Disneyland!

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