Monday, November 03, 2003

Is there a conspiracy involving men being raised as mutes, I don't know about? When did saying, "I dunno. Stuff" become acceptable as conversation fodder? What frustrates me the most is when I sense the guy is bored and I react by not talking. Yet, he determines to keep the thing vaguely-resembling-a-conversation going with filler words like: yup, okay, indeed, nope, yes, no, yeah, non, indubiously, perhaps, hmmm, mmm, huh, so, you wanna fuck?

Boys, if you don't want to talk to the girl (who's probably sweating beads trying to keep the conversation going with open-ended questions), tell her. And if you do want a conversation, don't reply 20 minutes later to a question as mundane as what your favourite pizza is.

I met my soulmate today. Am I shallow for liking someone for, among other reasons *eyes dart*, his taste in fashion?

"Dior? You're wearing D-I-O-R?!"

"My mom bought it for me for my Gr. 8 grad."

I never had designer clothing when I was 13. My mom hasn't updated her wardrobe since 1976, and his mom's buying him Dior? Humph ... some men have all the metrosexual luck.

I wonder. If I was a whore (which I'm not), my customers should pay me with clothing:

"Bitch, who be yo daddy? I said, WHO BE YO DADDY?!"

"Yeah, uh ... you are. You're ... so .. big. Uh, yeah. Give it to me, pappi. Um, harder ... wait, is it still in? I'm late for my dentist appointment. Just leave the Galliano by the nightstand. Same time next week?"

"Okey dokey."

Yeah, that would be some kind of wonderful ...

But you know what wouldn't be wonderful? Sitting on my lard-filled Springer-watching ass, eating cookie dough Häagen-Dazs and crappin' in my souped-up Laz-E-Boy. Of course, it could be worse ... like dropping my spoon.

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