Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Hello God? Are you up there? It's me, Lily. Please get rid of Jim Caviezel and replace him with a tax bill or something.

Of all the crazy-eyed, bad actors out there, Mel Gibson picks him to play Jesus in that new movie, "The Passion". The dude's horrible. Just plain crap. After seeing him in Angel Eyes with Ms. Lopez, I swear I wanted to drink myself into a drunken stupor ... then break the bottle ... to have it shoved into my neck. Oh, poor Jimbo. With his memory gone, he's now free to help the needy while looking just dirty enough to make La Lopez wet her seat (her rather large seat). Why won't people realise this guy is not mysterious and intriguing? He's a wretch! He gives Jenna Jameson a bad name. And now, they put him in Passion, speaking Ara-fuckin'-maic. It's like watching Godzilla battle Mothra and realising no matter what the outcome, the city of Tokyo is the real victim. So Jimmy Jackass will now blandly act out Jesus's last hours in a monotonous dead language. Here's an idea: make it in English, and you'll still get the incoherent effect from your lead star, except everyone else (heh!) makes sense too! Man, don't even get me started on Frequency, where he co-starred/crapped with Dennis Quaid. Again, he displayed the acting chops of someone glue-gunned together at a Jim Henson workshop.

Gosh gee willikers*, why are mofos getting paid to hold themselves up and piss on command?

*Yes, that's how you spell it. No, you may not check.

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