Thursday, September 11, 2003

Shmapenis Shmapenis Shmapenis. What's the big whoop about men and their overcompensatory-rottweilers that make the whole world stop and say, The bigger, the better? Well, not quite.

I guess today's post exists to unlock the secrets of the opposite sex (or same sex, if you're a young, sexually confused adolescent, trying to find your place in the world.) Have the ol' twig-and-two-cherries even gone as far as affect fashion? I think so, yes. I mean, at this age, pubescent boys need to give their young canines room to roam, hence the tent-sized pants with the crotch hanging just high enough to show that they are, indeed, not wearing a skirt (and wearing appropriately labelled underwear, such as "Tommy" or what I like to call, "The-Closest-A-Man-Has-Ever-Got-To-My-Manhood").

But apparently, there's a new trend coming full throttle from your friendly neighbourhood gang bangers. Is it true guys are picking up *gasp!* women's jeans? If this, indeed, is rooted from fact, than I must warn these young wippersnappers that they better control their urges to "procreate", because the public humiliation of setting off the alarm at the wrong object (fire hydrant, school mascot, your mother) will scar you for life. If it doesn't become the reason you take your own life first *slit, slit*.

That's about it. Have I unlocked any secrets? No. Was I planning to? No. But like Ms. "I Finally Got Sued" Cleo, I merely make it "seem" as if I made promises that I know I can't keep (such as, telling you your husband/boyfriend "is dirtying someone else's sheets" after you give her information like, his birthday and statements in the realm of: "My man doesn't call me his woman" or "He broke up with me 5 years ago ..."

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