Monday, September 15, 2003

I just saw a commercial for EXTREME Jax, while watching Yu-Gi-Oh! with the kids. Which reminds me. Are children attracted to exclamation marks? Do they even know exclamation marks are supposed to represent excitement? I mean, intergalactic, space-time-a-looping, Dungeons & Dragons-inspired, card-playing isn't exciting enough? Kids actually need to be told, through strategically placed punctuation, that they have Attention Deficit Disorder?

Anyway, back to EXTREME Jax. Can the game of jacks get anymore extreme? I mean, their semi-pointy, Ridley Scott futuristic design is enough to make a trucker blush. They're pretty "extreme", if you ask me. And what's with "re-packaging" a tired game, that's more of an institution than ... a fun game: "Wippadeedoo, look at my fast hands!" So one day, some yuppie in daddy's Armani suit goes to a corporate meeting and says to everyone, "Why don't we ... re-make jacks?! I love that game!"


"No, no. Hear me out. Okay. Let's make those things multi-colours, so kids can aggressively compete with one another. 'I want to be fuschia.' 'No me! You were fuschia last time!'"

"Okay, listening ..."

"Then slap on 'EXTREME' in the title. Re-write the wimpy 'Jacks' to 'Jax', because the letter 'X' is hip and dangerous: 'I'm insane in the membrane. I'm too good for grammar'. And now, my friend, a game worthy of a month's paycheque."

"Great. Kids are suckers for colours. They'll want to collect them all. Pay for the same shit, 10 times. You, son, are going places."

"Thanks. I'm just doing my job. I'm here to represent all them crazy sons-of-bitches who be the Assistant to the Assistant Manager. Northside, what!"

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