Wednesday, September 24, 2003


Why aren't there really great people nowadays? I mean blah blah blah, we have the studious Asians who go to medical school at 17. But there's one of those in every four families raised on either rice, curry or noodles. Big whoop. I'm talking about the Joan of Arcs. Yes, I'm talking about the schizos we seriously thought were of awesome calibre. Maybe the popularity of atheism is the source of this. Before, god would just tell people what to do and they'd listen.

"Abraham, do as I say or I will smite thee."

"Okey dokey."


"Joan, raise an army."

"But I'm a poor, virginal daughter who enjoys the occasional sponge bath by ye old maidens."

"You're crazy. I like you."

"Hehe. Oh, flattery will get you places."

But now, how many truly awe-inspiring people do you see walking among us? Maybe all those strangers muttering to themselves and screaming at pidgeons are actually the saviours of our race. Maybe the other side of "Leave me alone!" and "You don't even exist, stop pulling my ear" is actually "Cleetus, this is god. You have been chosen to lead the Americans into Iraq ... then maybe the Brazillians into Zimbabwe. Then get, hmm ... the Sri Lankans into MEH-hi-co (god is phonetically correct) for good measure." Obviously, Cleetus refused and handed the job over to Bush Junior (same guy, different hairpiece).

So the next time you see someone looking like they're trying to swat at bug-eyed birds while muttering, "Goddamn, why won't you leave me alone? I'm Portuguese!". Just remember, they might be the next messiahs of god (no, Tony Robbins doesn't count. Neither does David Lee Roth ... unless he cuts his hair. 'Cause god's sick of that look. Too Bon Jovi, '84).