Wednesday, September 10, 2003

Another day, and yes, another blog.

I enjoy ranting ... so here's another. What is it about Americans that make me shake my head in .. well, I don't actually shake my head. But you know in sitcoms, where some old lady shakes her head, while rolling her eyes towards the heavens (or stage lights) and saying stereotypical catchphrases like, "Oy!", "Mama Mia!" and "Aye ya ... why you crazy?"? That's the feeling I get when I think about Puritan Americans (which, more or less, covers them all). I mean, it's "tolerated" for some Lolita-in-open-crotched-panties to strut infront of the Superbowl Half-Time Show, but it's absolutely forbidden to show a nipple on the small screen (unless it's being ironic). And in an act of PC overload, people can't even describe co-workers by the colour of their skin.

"Has anyone seen the new guy, Mo?"

"What's he like?"

"Well, he's funny as heck. A hard-worker. Likes to play solitaire and paint picket fences."

"Not ringin' any bells, Bobbo."

"He's, um, also brown."

"SHHHHHH, I am SO reporting you."

My best friend from Gr. 6 (who just so happens to be Indian) told me yesterday that, at school one day, her supervisor was scrambling to find her. She was finally found, but was perplexed as to why it took so long:

"The teacher didn't want to say 'brown' to describe you."

I mean, until the day IQ becomes a visible chart that moves across your chest as you walk, describing people with basic adjectives is just practical. Besides, she sure as hell isn't mauve with a tint of Irish green. So please, next time you feel the need to censor yourself, just remember, until your head gets blown off by the military (or your neighbour, whose wife left him with three mouths to feed, one being his overweight mistress who insists black is slimming, even when it's torn from rivet-enforced seams), your well-intentioned comments are probably not going to offend the average thinking-person. Unless you end it with, "... ooh, nice talking to you again. But I gots to do some can shooting: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans and a few Puerto Ri-cans, if I'm lucky." (<--this joke is in the public domain. Please don't attack me, for my young life is too precious ... to moochers and the materialist community.)

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